Is pining ever worth it? Memories certainly are, but as all memories catalyse some sort of reaction, who would want memories that make you ache? Moving forward is hard enough without the emotional baggage that memories force you to drag along with you. In a weighted suitcase. With no wheels. Comparisons are of course natural; no matter how 'over' someone you are if you're used to that way of operating on dates, in relationships, then the change can ONLY be compared to the norm. That's fine. Understandable. But, as we all know, people are terrified of change. However, we all forget that change can also be the best thing that can happen to a person. People are always so scared of this change because they think about what they will miss, tangible things that they can realise and know exist - it's a lot harder to imagine the things a person will gain from making that change, and so it seems best to keep the ship steady. Uncertainty and fogginess in your future are indeed scary. You hear success stories and people can nearly always recall a time where they had to take a gamble. Gambles by their very nature are insecure. Success in relationships can surely only come about by taking those risks, taking those gambles, rather than 'playing it safe'? At least attempting to leave the past behind is what Ed Sheeran was singing about I think - and that's half the battle. You can say over and over again to yourself that you've moved on, but if you don't willingly make the effort to, you're already fighting a losing battle to the weight of that baggage we mentioned.
So, you've moved on, you've done it. What now? Well, first rule is not to presume someone is guilty based on someone elses mistakes. I've been witness to SO many ridiculous conversations with friends, dates, where the classic 'All men/girls are the same!' line is exasperatedly sighed out before the unwitting potential suitor has even had a chance to SAY fuck up. TRY to see that person differently to the person that made you so jaded, otherwise they will already have a foot out the door. Myself and a female friend got very boring over dinner chatting about the usual and, as it so often does, the conversation turned to ex-partners. Standard agreements ensued but then she mentioned the worrying observation that she could 'never trust a man again.' Now, I'm not one for kicking someone when they're down or mocking another's painful experiences caused by cheating partners, but surely, SURELY tarnishing an entire sex with the same brush can only be detrimental to your happiness? I pointed this out, in the politest and most charming way of course, and was told that the next guy would have to earn her trust. I immediately felt sorry for him and silently wished him luck.
Secondly: let yourself go. And fall, Fall hard if you have to. But if you don't let yourself get swept up by this new relationship you will always be looking back, erring on the side of caution, and never fully committing yourself emotionally to something that could be incredible. You're meant to feel happiness when they do, hurt when they do - but if you don't let yourself go through fear of change or from not letting go of the past then you can never really be in a new relationship. It's what's meant to happen - you won't know whether it's right or wrong until you feel something either way.
Thirdly, at least attempt to follow in Ed Sheeran's footsteps. If we don't, what hope do we have?
