Wednesday 23 June 2010

''It's not always Rainbows and Butterflies, it's compromise, it moves us along'' - Maroon 5























Now, under normal circumstances,this belief goes against all my idealistic views on love: I want it to be 'Rainbows and Butterflies' and all the things the songs tell us that love could be. However, being a member of 'the single people club', I get constant reminders from my attached friends just how 'lucky I am', and how they 'envy the freedom' that I have. I, in response, question why? They, in turn, respond thus: 'Alan mate, you get to go where you want, when you want, and don't have to answer to anyone.' This is normally followed by some gentle ribbing about said friend being 'under-the-thumb' and other cliches that single people use. Now, over the last few months I have tested this 'freedom' theory. I have done what I want, where I want, when I want, with who I want. I think I can safely say that I miss having someone to come home to. Someone I can spoil. I tell my friends that the life that I have, that they mock-envy, is a prime example of the grass not being greener. What they think they lack in 'freedom', is more than compensated for in companionship, trust, and having someone care for you and care about you. This is totally backed up by the fact that for all their protestations and complaints, these friends stay with their partners, go home to them, and share life with them. There must be a sprinkling of 'Rainbows and Butterflies' keeping them there. I was discussing this with another friend of mine, who is a true advocate for being single. This guy can literally not see himself in a relationship at all and, when asked why, he retorted that he 'wouldn't want to compromise himself'. I explained that not all girls would make you compromise who you are, that the girl who manages to make him want to be in a relationship would be one that would want him for who he is, not who she could turn him into. I shared that I felt a successful relationship is one where you take two independent people and entwine their lives. They keep their independence and identity, do what they want to do with no guilt trips from either party, and generally support their partner no matter what. You can't really ask for more than that. His response was that a woman who would let you be independent doesn't exist. Well I suppose you can't convert them all. But I do think that if he, or anyone, finds someone like that - then there will be more 'Rainbows and Butterflies' than you thought possible.

Alan

6 comments:

  1. I quote the author Douglas Yates:

    "People who are sensible about love are incapable of it".

    To some people I guess routine and rationalisation is a greener lawn than a melting pot of rainbows, butterflies and compromise that ultimately leads to stability, the very thing I already have.

    And my argument wasn't that no woman exists who wont make me compromise. It's that if she does, i probably wont find her physically attractive. Even with my standards, or lack thereof, there is a big distinction.

    R

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  2. @Anon 'R' - see my previous blog ref:
    "You can't be wise and in love at the same time" - Bob Dylan

    I completely agree with both Bob Dylan and Douglas Yates. And it wasn't about you....;)

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  3. Oh my gosh, you're adorable! Why are you single? Is it because you have some really really bad habits that you're not posting here? If not...I have daughters :-D

    Ange
    http://quirkyisokay.blogspot.com/

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  4. I agree with you entirely, Alan.
    I don't really believe in the phrase "other half" because that implies that you aren't a whole when you are single. I like your entwining idea very much.

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  5. @Ange - Haha, thank you for commenting. And I'm sure I have many a bad habit that another would find unbearable, my uncontrollable urge to sing in the car even tests my own patience!

    @Soph - I'm glad someone does! I just think that your perfect partner will be someone you love for who they are, not who you can turn them in to.

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  6. Eeeee your adorable! You look like a big buff ruby player in your picture!

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